Tuesday and Wednesday of this week were "good" days. I hate even saying that I had a good day, because obviously it wasn't good, because I should be 39 weeks pregnant. THAT would be a good day.
But I felt like the heaviest of the fog lifted, I had two days where I could function at work, where I could focus on what needed to be done in the minute. I could control my emotions just a little bit. I still cried and bawled in the morning, and on my way home from work. I even cried a couple of times at school, mostly when I saw some of the moms I did zumba with for the first time. They are all so concerned and caring, and it makes me cry. But it didn't drag me down to a place where I can't breathe, where I feel trapped.
I feel a little bit hopeful, that I WILL be able to manage this grief. Last week I was so scared that I was going to live in that trapped space forever, which I don't want to do. I want to continue on with my life and THRIVE, not just survive each day. I'm not there yet, but the past two days have given me a glimpse of how I might be able to keep living even with this enormous loss.
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