The world ends every Thursday, and begins again after that. By Tuesday night (tonight) I am usually feeling pretty good. Then comes Wednesday, where I go about my business but know in the back of my head that it is the beginning of the end.
In some ways Wednesday's are worse, the day we found out there was no heartbeat. Then Thursday rolls around, and I relive the hospital, the labor, and delivering my sweet daughter. Every Thursday at 6:35 p.m. I am reborn, a different person, a mom without a baby.
On Friday-Monday I learn how to live, to breathe without my baby, to smile, to love. On Tuesday I feel hopeful and once again full of life. But then Wednesday comes again, the beginning of the end.
Tomorrow is will be 8 Wednesdays since I saw her outline on the ultrasound, shockingly still. And time keeps moving forward.
I understand compeltely. Wednesdays are hard for me too. Wednesdays are the day I saw that same horrible ultrasound :( Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. My daughter was stillborn on a Wednesday just over a year ago. I counted each week for the longest time. Eventually, it got a little better and I only counted by months. My world still stops on the 12th of each month.
ReplyDeleteWishing you peace and strength for this and every Wednesday.
I found your blog through Angie's "Right where I am" project. (I left you a comment belatedly on that post too).
ReplyDeleteI agree with Laura who posted above me. For a long time, every Tuesday was painful. After a few months, it was the 14th of every month. Now (2y8m since my daughter was stillborn), I sometimes don't notice 14th until the day after when I realise why I felt so out of kilter the day before.
It is so painful and exhausiting, living from day to day as it is in the early days. I am so sorry that you are having to work through this grief.