Dumb things people have said to me

Before I write this I do want to say that these "dumb" things were said by caring people, people that love me and were just searching for something to say. I don't get offended and it doesn't make me any sadder than I already am. Some of them are true, but for some reason or another, just seemed kind of inappropriate to say.


It could be worse:  LOGICALLY I know this is true.  I think about all of the "worse" things that could still happen in my life.  I don't feel safe with anything...future pregnancies, my health, my husband, my family.  There is so much that could still be ripped away from me.  When I hear of a horrible situation like someone's husband dying or getting cancer or losing two babies in a row, I no longer think "Man, that would suck."  I think "that will probably happen to me too, how will I cope?"  There is so much suffering in the world and MANY people live through much worse things. But right at this moment, while I am knocked down by my grief, this is bad enough. 

Maybe next time you’ll have twins!  My pregnant friend who visited me in the hospital said this to me WHILE I STILL HAD MY DEAD BABY IN MY ARMS.  Totally inappropriate.  Good thing I was still in shock.  Many people have said this to me, and it doesn't make sense.  Two babies next time will not make up for the baby that died. 

Maybe this happened so you’ll have a better kid next time! Fab's 15-year old niece sent me this in an email.  I forgive her, because she's only 15 and she is also one of his only family members to even acknowledge our loss.  I'm sure it just doesn't seem that real to them since they live in Brazil, never saw me pregnant, never saw how excited Fab. really was to be a dad. 

You’re young, you can try again.  Sure, we can try again.  We WANT to have another baby, but that doesn't mean we'll get one. 

You shouldn’t have been working so hard  One of the old Mexican grandmas at my school told me this.  I just told her no, my baby had a tumor, it was nothing I did. 

I didn’t realize it would be an actual baby. One of my best friends said this to me.  And she honestly just didn't know, she's never been pregnant and hasn't been around that many pregnant people.  Yes, my baby was fully formed at 33 weeks and looked like an actual, human baby.

Well, at least you're fertile.   Um, ok, I got pregnant.  Yay for me.  But I don't have my baby.  And I certainly don't know if I can get pregnant again (probably can) or if I will ever have a living baby (probably will).  Being fertile means nothing if you don't get to bring your baby home. 

I'm sure there are more "dumb" things but I can't remember them.  And again, I'd rather have someone stumble and say the "wrong thing" than not say anything at all.  There are no words in any language that are right for a situation like this.