I went to Kohl's yesterday to try to find some shorts that fit. NONE of my clothes fit now that my belly is big but not pregnant. I am so uncomfortable in my body.
After I tried on clothes for awhile, I was walking over towards the shoes. I knew I would have to pass the baby section, where I often wandered when I was pregnant. I let myself just glance over at some of the newborn clothes. I felt a little pang of deep sadness but kept walking. I was ok, I was having a good day. Then I walked by the picture frames and started browsing, thinking to myself oh yeah, I want to look for a cool frame to put Kayla's name in the sand picture in. I looked at about 2 frames, one of which said "Grandkids are the best" or something like that, and it just hit me. This huge wave of grief and anxiety, that trapped feeling like I might go crazy at any second. IT IS JUST NOT FAIR. I should be buying those infant clothes, not looking at these dumb picture frames. When little things like that happen, they throw me off balance for awhile.
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