I just googled "online fertility calendar." Now that (I think) my cycle is back, and our doctor said we can try to conceive again, it is definitely on my mind. Like, if I get pregnant this cycle, we'd be due in March. But then I think, IF I get pregnant and IF a future baby doesn't die.
And I feel a little guilty even thinking about wanting to be pregnant. It's still too soon, I just suck at being patient. I think every month will be like this though...I'll probably be sad when I DON'T get pregnant this month, even though I know it's "too soon" to be pregnant again.
And one of the biggest things I am learning through this tragedy is that it doesn't matter what I think, I am not in control.
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