unfair

It's unfair that I had to call the police at work to come pick up an abandoned child tonight because a lady with FIVE kids under age 7 "forgot" one of her children at school for over 2 hours.  She was passed out at her house with her phone turned off.  Why does she get 5 healthy kids and I couldn't keep my one?

It's unfair that tomorrow is my pregnant teacher-friend's baby shower at school.  I am very happy for her, but I don't want to have to see everyone bringing in baby gifts and either try to avoid the shower and feel weird because of that, or go and risk crying or just making myself feel bad. 

It's unfair that one of the old ladies I work with asked me today "any babies yet?"  It highly offended me--my daughter died/was born less than four months ago!  If she had lived, you wouldn't be asking me that question.  Even though I really want to get pregnant soon, it is none of her business.  I get frustrated with myself because I don't call people out when they are being rude, I am "too nice." 

It was kind of a rough day at work.  I'm not having enough time in each day to relax, and it's taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. 

But now I'm home, listening to my music and finally relaxing.  Life is still unfair.  I still want my daughter here in more tangible ways than I am able to have her.  But it is ok.  It has to be ok.  That is what my faith it looking and feeling like these days.  It's not fair, I don't understand it, but it's ok.   It gets really tiring to be in a negative emotional space.  Once I have a chance to reflect a little bit, I usually feel better.