I didn't think October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss month was going to really affect me much this year. We're busy, we have a beautiful living baby, and I haven't been grieving in the same way as I was before Livia was born. We are planning on going to a couple of balloon releases/candlelight ceremonies, so I knew I would have to acknowledge my grief at some point. But then, a lot of people started posting everyone about October, posting pictures of their sweet babies, and participating in this Capture your Grief photo challenge. Wait, I thought...don't leave me out, I want to play too! Maybe it will help me reconnect to Kayla as a parent of a living baby too. I want to find the balance to parenting our first daughter, gone almost 17 months and who resides on a shelf above our dresser, and our second daughter, here for 2 months who is squirming in my lap as I write this.
So the first day was sunrise. I have sunset instead. On Sunday afternoon we went to the park as a family. It's the park my husband and I got married at, before we were touched by grief. We also went there after Kayla died. It's special. I hadn't been there since the weekend before we got pregnant with Livia (it's about 30 minutes away from where we live). I think if we ever decide to spread Kayla's ashes somewhere, this might be one of the places. I'm not ready to do that though.
Anyways it was nice to walk around as a family and spend some time at the lake. The sunset was really nice, closing out September and preparing us for October.
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