My grief counselor taught me how to do visualization to help me relax. I have always held an image of a beach in Florida in my mind when I need to center myself. It is a place I go every year, very calm and serene. That's just always been my backup image.
Well last week I listened to the hypno birthing cd again for the first time. I had read the book and listened to the relaxation cd with Kayla, but was not completely committed to the technique or anything. I figured it can't hurt to RELAX for a few minutes and it might even help me when it comes time to birth this baby. It was fine while I was listening, but I realized pretty quickly in that my go-to image of the Florida Gulf Coast wasn't really helping me focus or relax.
Later that night I was still thinking about what image might be special for me to focus on for the remainder of this pregnancy, what would help me relax? I caught a glimpse of a photo I have framed in my bathroom and it all fell into place.
Iguazu and the amazing force or nature that lives there is my new "relaxation" image. It works because it's not all that relaxing--it's loud, the water roaring all around without ever stopping, and it's powerful. I don't need a calm, uninhabited beach to get me through this pregnancy. I need something a little more raw and unruly, something that fits in with the raw hope and fear.
It has given me a lot of peace and even joy this week to look over my photos (and I have over 500 just from the Iguazua portion of the trip!) and relive that time in my life. I was a junior in college, so babies and pregnancy were a far, distant dream at that point. I had already had the privilege of studying abroad in Mexico for six months and loved it so much that I went back a year later, to spend 6 months in Argentina. At the end of the semester, another girl and I backpacked around for 3 weeks through Argentina, Bolivia, and of course Iguazu. I was so happy! I was adventurous, unafraid, and so sure that I could make all of my dreams come true. I slept in a hammock, paid a taxi driver to drive us across the border without a tourist visa, rode a boat directly under a waterfall. I was also at least forty pounds thinner, which might explain why I like looking at the pictures so much. I didn't know that life might not always give me what I wanted, the things I wanted the most even. Everything was within my reach. I hope to feel that pure sense of joy fearlessness again. AND, I hope to return to Iguazu someday with my husband and babies and soak in the spray from all of rushing water.
Rachel those photos are amazing. I am so glad you have them to reflect on and the image for your relaxion/visualization is simply perfect. Some of the wonderful memories from my travels before babies and tragedy are so powerful and inspiring. I am very glad you can look back with such joy and look forward with such hope.
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