my second baby

First the annoying stuff...

I know that the people in my life who ask me these questions are just concerned for me, and want everything to go smoothly with this pregnancy.  But these types of questions are not helpful:  is the baby moving enough?   Are you taking your vitamins?  Are you sure you should still be working?  Are you going to your doctor's appointments?  Maybe without meaning to, or maybe intentionally, they seem to imply that something I did last time, or didn't do, caused of contributed to Kayla's death.  It drives me crazy, because I've already done the hard work of dealing with the guilt that comes with your baby dying inside of you.  I don't blame myself anymore.  Sure, there are things I wish I could change or do differently, but I really accept that Kayla was not supposed to live and nothing I did could have changed that.  If I believe in God (and I do), then I was not in control with Kayla and I am not in control now with Livia.  Plus, obviously I am doing everything imaginable to ensure Livia arrives safely.  So those questions just make me mad!

A moment today that made me smile....

I guess I look really and truly pregnant now because even the kids at my school have started asking if I'm going to have a baby, and kids are usually self-absorbed enough that they don't notice things like a teacher being pregnant.  (And let me just say that as an overweight woman I really like when people automatically know it's a baby bump and not just belly!)  I have not told any children I am pregnant, when they asked a few weeks ago when I was going to have a baby I just said "oh, I don't know"  (because I don't KNOW).  Well today a few second grade girls asked me if I am going to have a baby, and I just said, "actually I am."  Their reaction is what made me smile.  Without missing a beat they got really excited and said "Oh, ANOTHER baby?!!" 

Why is is that 8 year olds can acknowledge that this is my second baby, but many adults in my life cannot?  I am asked multiple times a day now if this is my first baby, if I'm excited, etc.  If it's someone I don't know (the cashier at the grocery store, for example), I just say yes.  It will (hopefully) be my first baby to bring home and parent.  But it's not my first baby, and I love that the kids at my school recognized that without any hesitation or worry that it would upset me to remind me that I have a daughter.  These kids may not understand exactly what happened to Kayla, but they remember that I was pregnant before and now they know I am pregnant again.  This makes me so happy for some reason.