Relief

My 20-week, level 2 ultrasound was today.  I've been imagining all of the problems they could find at this ultrasound, preparing myself for the worst (no heartbeat) and everything else on the spectrum of prenatal issues.  I was ready for it all. 

The only thing I didn't prepare mentally for was what actually happened.  There is nothing wrong with this baby (that they can tell right now).  It's definitely a girl!  So I am still processing the appointment and the fact that I have nothing extra to worry about.  I still have a lot of worry of course, and anxiety, but I mostly feel relieved today.  One step closer to holding a crying baby in my arms.  There are no signs of a teratoma tumor, which is what eventually caused Kayla's heart to stop.  All we saw was a beautiful, growing baby who we already love so much. 

I wish I could just hook myself up to an ultrasound machine from now until August.  I could watch baby moving and flipping and waving all day long, every day, and if I got tired of that, I could just zoom in on the heart and watch it beating away.  I'll have to settle for once a month for now.