June 21st

I just got back from a whirlwind weekend of visiting my family, including a baby shower lunch for my sister.  It was exhausting, not all in a bad way.  I will write about all of that, but I am still processing my feelings and need to unpack (but I had to check out my blogs first--that is my therapy these days!)

Before I forget though, I wanted to post about a moment that happened on Friday at work.  Just one of those small moments that kind of take your breath away for a second. No one notices but me.  I was walking with an 8 year old boy in the hallway and for some reason he was talking about his birthday.  "My birthday is on the first day of summer!" I casually replied "Oh, what day is that?", thinking maybe he was talking about the first day we don't have school or something.  "June 21st."  Of course I knew that was the first real day of summer. June 21st was the day I spent 33 weeks counting down to, Kayla's due date.  The first day of summer, when I would have my first baby in my arms.  Some days I feel like I will always be counting down to that day.  The day that passed by but never really came, because she wasn't here with me.  I don't know if she would have been anything like that little boy with me in the hallway, but I felt a connection there and wished, ached actually, to be able to say "oh, that's my daughter's birthday!"