Last year

On the side of my facebook page, now there is a little feature that will tell me about "this day last year,"  or two years ago, etc.  Today it says:

Enjoying this perfect colorado evening with a brazilian bbq at our awesome little cabin!

And so it starts--the "last year at this time" memories.  Our labor day last year was such a happy, happy time.  Just us and one other couple, on a much-needed trip to Colorado, and we packed so much into one weekend.  Camping, Pike's Peak, whitewater rafting, barbecuing and staring at the stars.  That is the Rachel that I used to be, so fun, adventurous, and really optimistic.  My period started on the drive home, but I didn't care because I was so relaxed and peaceful.


In the last year I have looked back on that trip with so much fondness, because we went on to get pregnant a few weeks later.  It was our "good luck charm!"

Now, a year later and I long for that happiness and innocence I had.  And Luci, the other friend who was on that trip with us, is about to give birth to her daughter any day now.  When she first got pregnant we remembered our Colorado trip and joked that we needed to go on vacation together more often! 

Tomorrow will be four months since Kayla died. I'm not so sad today, just kind of bittersweet.  It has been such a defining year in my life.  But I'm starting to feel a little bit of hope, thinking about where I'll be in another year from now.