Memorial Service

I will have to write more later about this whole whirlwind weekend, but I not only survived everything, I had a great time at the wedding and seeing all of my friends.  I had stressed so much about the whole weekend that the actual experience wasn't bad at all.


When I got back today we went to the memorial service at our hospital.  I almost didn't go since I only had 4 hours of sleep.  But I am trying to make myself step outside of my comfort zone, so we went.  When we pulled up another couple was getting out of their car.  They looked so normal.  My husband turned to me and said, "do you think they lost a baby too?"  Like how can these perfectly normal, nice-looking people have been through the same hell as us?  It was a beautiful day and while we didn't really interact that much with the other families there, there was something nice about being surrounded by other families that know what we are feeling. 

One guy was there alone, clinging to the memory box from the hospital (the same one we have), with a bag full of baby items and crying the whole time.  I wanted to go talk to him, to know his story, but he left before the service ended.  Other families who were 3, 4, 5 years out from their loss were chatting and didn't necessarily  have any tears.  One mom came with her one month old, very proud to show off her "rainbow" baby.  One sibling had written on her balloon, "Dear Preston, you would have been a good brother."  Another lady was there as a grandma.  One family brought their whole extended family.  We were all there for the same reason.


My husband and I kept to ourselves, but it was a "good" thing to experience together.  I mean, I'd rather not be doing any of these things, but I am grateful for the time my husband and I had remembering Kayla today.  It was pretty casual, it was outside at a picnic shelter by the hospital.  There were some prayers, some songs, some poems.  They read off each name of our babies, and just something that simple, like hearing our daughters name read aloud, was special.  Later we all released a balloon in honor of our child. 

Before our daughter was stillborn, I probably would have thought something like this was horrible, all of these people holding onto their grief and crying together and honoring their dead babies.  But of course I was wrong.  These are ways for us to release our grief a little, to let go of our dreams for Kayla and to honor her in the best way we know how.