Sunday, August 12, 2012
breathing
I believe that I wrote sometime last week that I wasn't afraid that Livia was going to die too. I'm finding that is not entirely true. My fear has lessened substantially since she was born, which makes sense--Kayla died before she was born, so that was the scariest part for me. But I do find myself constantly checking to make sure she is still breathing. If I'm holding her, I'm ok. But if she's in the Moby wrap, her car seat, or sleeping on my husband's chest, I'm very nervous and move her around a little to make sure she is still breathing. I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck the first time she actually gets sick or is in danger, which is bound to happen. Just another side effect of being a "baby lost" mom....or maybe all mom's are like this? I'll never get to know what it's like to parent a child without the cloud of stillbirth looming overhead. But I know I'll never take my child(ren) for granted like some 'regular' parents might.
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I hear you on that last note.
ReplyDeleteI'm still reading along, so happy to know you have your Livia finally with you.
Sending love
I'm the same exact way. I'm told a little extreme at times. I take everyday with her as it might be the last. If she's sleeping (which is always) I'm checking her constantly. I am very hesitant to let people get close or touch her for fear that she is going to get sick and die.
ReplyDeleteI need to find a way to calm down, it's exhausting!
I'm with you. Your not alone.
I was the same way when Addalee was little. I actually woke her up several times trying to make sure she was breathing! She was never impressed. But I had to know she was okay.
ReplyDeleteWhen Addalee first got sick, I actually didn't lose it like I figured I would. I think you'll just jump into "Mommy mode" and know that Livia needs you to take care of her.
You're doing a great job!