Mother's Day

All week at school parents and co-workers have been wishing me a "Happy Mother's Day."  One parent even brought me flowers.  The first few times, I thought "Wow, how nice of everyone to acknowledge that I am a mother."  After multiple people telling me "Oh, it's your FIRST mother's day,"  I realized everyone is only wishing me a happy mother's day because I am obviously pregnant.  The living baby inside of me gives me admission to the mommy club, but my stillborn daughter does not.  I've just been looking away or saying "have a good weekend" in response.   Last year was my first mother's day, only 3 days after I had said goodbye to Kayla. I was in too much shock to even feel bad about it or realize it was mother's day.   It gives me such a bad taste in my mouth when people acknowledge this living baby and my motherhood while at the same time negating the existence of my daughter.  But I have no energy to even try to explain my feelings or make people understand. 

But, it's ok.  Just another one of those little things that hurts for awhile, and then passes.  I'm so glad it's almost the weekend, for a chance to relax and re-group after our trip last weekend.  Hopefully I can take some time to sit down and write more.