15 weeks pregnant

I'm not sure how I feel about doing regular pregnancy updates on this blog, but I'm going to do one today. I am 15 weeks pregnant today!

Physically:  I'm not sick anymore, and I have a little more energy than I did a few weeks ago.  My morning sickness has subsided.  I have had to add about 4 extra pillows to my bed as I'm starting to feel more aches in my legs and back.  I've had some stretching pains (which make me happy because I know baby is growing!)  My carpal tunnel is kicking in again, but it is still mild compared to what I had with Kayla.  I've felt a few little flutters but nothing consistent yet. 


Emotionally: Definitely up and down, every day, all day.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.  But I know it's all normal.  It is feeling more real to me, especially in the past week since I have told a few more people (my parents, 4 best friends, siblings and supervisor).  I want to believe wholeheartedly that this baby will get to come home with us, but every time I 'catch' myself being overly optimistic, I get so incredibly scared. 


Looking forward to: My next ultrasound on Feb. 27th!  I'll be 17 weeks and I'm hoping they'll be able to tell the gender.  I just need to know, as I have mixed feelings whether it's a boy or a girl.  I was/am so ready for a girl, so my first instinct says that we "want" a girl.  But then I think maybe a boy would be better so I'm not always comparing this baby to Kayla, so we can have a fresh start.  Obviously I don't need to say that I don't CARE one way or the other as long as this baby is breathing and alive.  But I need to know so I have time to process and really start thinking of this baby as his/her own person. 


Other: We had a fire at my school yesterday.  It was during my afterschool program so I was "in charge."  Somebody set a roll of toilet paper on fire in the boys bathroom!  Everyone was fine, but it was very scary for me and I pushed myself--I had to run up two flights of stairs to do a headcount, then we all stood in 20 degree weather for 30 minutes while the fire trucks arrived, then we walked 3 blocks to the community center after the building was deemed too smoky for the students to re-enter.  I didn't get to take a break or drink water so by the end of the night my body was not happy!  I was up late wide awake replaying everything--while it was a small fire, it could have easily become a major emergency.  I just don't like being anywhere NEAR a crisis these days, and it scared me.  Baby's first big adventure, I guess!