Last weekend we went to a big party for our friends' baby. Reading back over my feelings from a year ago when she was born was really hard. I was still very controlled by my grief at that point. It amazes me how much changes in a year. Anyways, I had some anxiety about going to the party, for several reasons. Brazilian women are always very well-dressed and really take time with their appearance, so I usually end up feeling frumpy and sloppy around them. I was even more conscious of this because none of my clothes fit right. But we got everyone dressed and out the door so we went! The other reason I was kind of anxious was because I knew there would be a lot of people there. I don't have the same fear of social situations that I did in the first few months after Kayla died, but it can still be intimidating. A lot of these people I hadn't seen since I was pregnant with Kayla---I just stopped going to large social events, then I was pregnant and anxious and didn't go out much at all.
It was nice overall though, it was fun to show Livia off to everyone. She does great around a lot of people, staying awake and letting everyone hold her and not crying. She likes parties! And several people made a point of saying they had missed me, or acknowledging that she is my second girl, or other small comments that really made me feel supported. I'm glad we went, although I know we will NOT be throwing such a big party for Livia's first birthday. I'm still just hoping and praying we make it to her first birthday with a healthy baby.
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| Over-the-top decorations |
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| My sweet Brazilian-American |
That looks like some party!
ReplyDeleteI looooove decorated, color coordinated, bursting with fun parties for kids ( and adults too!!).
I'm glad you went. I know what you means sitting out of a lot at the beginning of the grief. In the past 6 months, D and I have been to 2 or 3 events - and in a big Italian family, that's missing A LOT.
It's nice to get support and acknowledgement from those around you. I hope to get the same whenever my next child arrives.
That is a big party! Glad you felt supported. I will be having a big party for M's first birthday, but not in the lots of decorations sense, but in the halejuah we made it to one year sense :) Kayla's little sister is sure a cutie!
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