I can't focus on anything. I can barely have a conversation with my husband or remember to feed the dog. My mind and emotions are just too focused on one thing...getting through the next few weeks and coming out on the other side with a living baby. It's a good thing my work responsibilities are basically zero in the summer because I probably would have been fired by now otherwise. Even with being home, I just can't keep up with anything.
The baby is still transverse at 36w6d. I have an external version scheduled for Monday so the doctor can attempt to manually turn her in hopes of avoiding a c-section. I've been agonizing over whether to do the version or not---it's a "low risk" procedure but there are SOME risks. Do I want to be introducing any risks to her at all? But opting for a c-section also has its own risks, so I'm trying to just trust my doctor.
Another reason I've been agonizing over this is because I had a version with Kayla. After she had died, after my labor had been induced, she was positioned elbow-first. They whisked me off to the OR to do a c-section before the doctor even came to check on me. When the doctor arrived, she offered to try to turn her to I could birth her vaginally. That version, the one where they were manipulating my dead baby from the outside while I couldn't feel a thing because I had already been given the spinal for a c-section; that was the worst part (physically) of my labor with Kayla. So I'm just scared how I might react to be back in that situation. I scheduled it, but told my doctor I might change my mind.
The days keep moving forward, I keep crossing them off on my calendar. But it doesn't feel like I'm getting any closer necessarily .
I hope little Livia decides to move before Monday arrives so you don't have to worry about the version at all!! I know it has to be hard imagining doing that again, especially after having done it with Kayla. Praying for a safe outcome, regardless of what you decide. I think you should go with your instincts and you will feel (a little) better. Thanking about you!
ReplyDeleteThe last weeks of pregnancy are a crazy time, I believe for everyone...but after a loss, they're insane. I know that the last weeks with Addalee were torturous, with all the fears and worry and stress.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having to deal with the procedure. I'm sure it's a whole lot to have to process. Praying that your little girl gets in the right position, and if she doesn't you and your doctor have the wisdom to know if the version is the right thing to do.