Well, here we are. Friday morning will be here soon. My life has been sectioned into segments of time for the past 2 years. How many months it took us to conceive Kayla (2), counting up each week of pregnancy with her (33), surviving those excruciating hours, days, then months without her (14.5), counting each week of this pregnancy but never letting myself think ahead (38w4d). After all of this counting up, or counting down, the time has finally come when we will welcome our living, breathing daughter into the world. In 40 hours, give or take, we will head to the hospital to give birth.
Lots of people keep telling me to enjoy these days, because my world is about to change. Or to spend time with my husband and go out to dinner, the movies, etc., because we won't be able to do that with an infant. Or to sleep now, while we can. And while these things may all be true, and I know having a living newborn around IS going to change our world, isn't that the point? When Kayla died my life tragically stayed pretty much the same as it had been before, aside from the grief. It was still just me, my husband, and our dog. Our house didn't become packed with baby gear and I wasn't exhausted from adapting to a newborn schedule. We didn't get to have that intense change that we had been planning on. So, this time, I welcome it. I can't wait to see how our lives are going to change in the next week, and months to come.
I'm ready, physically and emotionally. As ready as I can be for the unknowns of labor and birth. I'm hopeful that she will be born healthy and breathing into this world. I really can't wish for anything past that. I'm trying to enjoy these last few days of being pregnant, of enjoying her kicks, knowing that only her and I share this bond. I'm nervous too, of course. So nervous and anxious I really can't put it into words, and I suspect I will have to process those emotions sometime after Friday, when I'm holding my baby girl and can look back at everything we have endured to get to this point.
Oh my god, Rachel, you've made me giddy reading this post. I'm holding back the happiest cry right now.
ReplyDeleteI remember all the friends and family telling us to enjoy it (time without baby) while we can because our lives were going to change forever...but really, that's all I was aching for. Why would I want to go out for dinner and a movie when all I wanted (and still want) was a baby? I feel ya on that one...
You've done so amazingly well, thank you for sharing your journey, and in turn, helping me heal a little.
I can't wait to see pictures!
Sending love
Thank you Veronica!! I noticed you don't have a blog, I would love to hear your story if you feel like sharing, you can email me sometime if you'd like. Thanks for reading along.
DeleteHoly schnikies!!! I am so anxious too. I hope hope that everything goes smoothly. I have heard other comments similar to this but in regards to having two. "Better enjoy one while you can, two is so much harder. You think it's hard now wait till you have to deal with two". Well I can tell you, parenting one when you should be parenting two is 100 million times harder than parenting two living healthy babies. Like you said: "isn't that the point????"
ReplyDeleteHugs.
Can't wait to read about your new baby girl. Wishing you the very best and sending much love.
ReplyDeleteRachel so excited for you to start this journey. I can't wait to hear about livia! I have to second what Renel said about the parenting two. She hit it spot on and I think the same applies to having 1 living baby.
ReplyDeleteOh I am holding my breath for you over these next few hours! I can't wait to hear all about the intense positive change you have hoped for for so long. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you to meet your newest little girl! These last hours are long and anxious I know. <3
ReplyDeleteThinking of you fondly, my friend!
ReplyDeleteSending love, love and more LOVE
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today. 27 is a good number :)
Checking in. Hoping to hear of livias birth. Hope you are well and baby too
ReplyDeleteTotally understand life being broken into units of time - I feel this constantly! Thoughts for the happy arrival of baby Livia.
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