labor and delivery visit

 I am fine and baby is fine, that is the ending to this whole post, in case anyone wants to skip over the rest.   But I spent about 36 hours in labor and delivery this week being monitored.  On Monday I got sick, chills and vomiting but no fever.  I called L&D because I was stressing so much, thinking maybe it meant some kind of infection and baby was in distress.  They told me it sounded like I was just getting sick and to call back in the morning.

By the morning, I hadn't slept at all and now had a 101* fever, so they had me come straight to L&D for monitoring.  I was picturing an IV of fluids and a check on the baby, maybe some medicine, and I'd be back on my way home.  I should have known better because hospitals never work that way.  They admitted me  and did give me fluids and antibiotics, but they couldn't find the source of the fever at first, and suspected I had an infection (the worst case scenario was a uterine infection which scared me so much!) 

I had been dreading going back to labor and delivery.  I haven't been back since we left without Kayla.  And I never wanted to walk back in there by myself, but since my husband was at work that's exactly what I had to do.  It was kind of surreal because EVERYTHING was a possible trigger or memory.  I had to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes and I just kept thinking about how I must have looked the day we checked in for our labor with Kayla.  I was kind of replaying everything back from an onlooker's perspective.  But, the "good" thing was I was too feverish and sick to really focus too much on my emotions. 

Even though being in the hospital is never fun, and I was alone most of the time (I didn't want my husband to take days off work for this, since everything was ok and I'd rather he take days off once the baby is here), I am so glad I went in.  I got to see some of the same nurses and the bereavement coordinator who was with us the whole time with Kayla.  She was one of the few people who got to hold and see Kayla and it made me feel really good to talk to her and know she will "know" both of my girls.  I also got to hear baby Livia's heartbeat nonstop on the monitor, except for when she was trying to wiggle away, which was a good portion of the time.  She was constantly kicking and squirming away! 

I spent all of tuesday and tuesday night there, getting my fluids and antibiotics.  By Wednesday I was feeling better and really wanted to go home.  It is so uncomfortable to lay in a hospital bed all day when you are 34 weeks pregnant!  My doctor decided that I did not have an infection, that what I have is basically the flu, and that I could go home!  It was so great to be back in my own house and sleep in my own bed.  I am so grateful to not have to be in the hospital or on bedrest, and every time I am sick I am reminded how amazing it is to be healthy! 

I really (really, really, really) hope that the next time I'm in L&D is because I'm actually in labor, and that the next time I walk out of those doors, I am carrying my new, healthy baby girl.