Yesterday was 6 months. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. It felt like I should do something special, but in the morning I wasn't feeling good (I've had a cold all week) so I just stayed home and watched movies. Oh, and ate ice cream.
After my husband got home from work we decided to go out! We went to a movie and then afterwards we WENT TO A BAR. With a DJ and dancing and everyone having a good time. Neither one of us drinks very much and we haven't gone out to a bar in a very long time. So, we were a little out of practice, but it was actually fun. It reminded us of when we were dating in New Orleans and were way more young and hip than we are now.
So, no, we didn't do anything special to honor Kayla, but it felt good anyways. Even though I wish I couldn't go out like that because I had a 6 month old baby, I have to live in my reality. And it was so good for my husband and I to connect outside of our house, which has been heavy with grief lately.
There are a lot of reasons for me to be sad and anxious, especially with the holidays coming up. But last night I felt like I could see the future again. I know I've probably said and written the exact same thing before, but it always surprises me when suddenly the fog clears and I can look towards the future and also be truly present in the moment.
6 months was an especially hard milestone to miss for me plus I felt like my grief would be different...maybe even better and then it wasn't. It was quite a shock to the system. Glad you guys were able to go out and enjoy each other. It is so important to have days like that.
ReplyDeleteI love when the fog clears and I can see the future. So glad you are having some of that joy as well. Here's to us all being present in the moment and having more days where we can see the future and have hope again!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had a good time and took the time to spend with your husband. Here's to looking forward to the future...
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