Holidays!

For a lighter post....

I am loving, loving, loving being a stay at home mom.  I made it through the growing pains of transition and now it's just fun.  It is such a privilege to know every thing that happens to my daughter during the day, to know exactly what she did, what she learned, what she saw.  When she doesn't feel good we can sleep in.  I am not exhausted all the time like I was when she was a newborn, so we are able to really play and meet up with friends and snuggle.  We have so much fun together.  I know someday I will have to return to work, and that will be another hard transition, but right now I'm just so happy.  And lucky that my husband works really hard to provide for us. 

Livia's first Christmas is going to be fun.  I managed to put up a tree and our nativity scene.  I have bought and wrapped presents.  I may not be completely in the Christmas spirit like I used to be before Kayla died, but I'm kind of in the "fake it til you make it" phase.  I can kind of sense how it might be in years to come, where we have family rituals that might include or integrate Kayla.  We are doing ok.  I wish she could be here, I'll always wish that.  But I also accept that she is not.  We have to celebrate anyways. 

It's hard to be sad when we have this wiggly, rolling, laughing, distracted little joy in our lives. 

What can I find over here?

show-off---all the other babies were crying and squirming, but she loved Santa!

She got her christmas present early, a big girl stroller!