Candle Lighting Ceremony

Last week I went to the hospital memorial service.  They have a short ceremony and then we all decorate a big Christmas tree in the main lobby of the hospital.  Each year they pull out the ornaments from years past.  I loved being able to look through them and find the small ornament we took last year for Kayla. 

I almost didn't go this year.  My husband was working late and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go alone, with Livia.  I wanted to be able to focus on Kayla, not on taking care of Livia.  But I also never want to miss a year, and I want Livia to get used to doing things for Kayla too.  I started feeling really guilty, because this is one of the few things we can really DO for her every year.  So, we went!  Livia was good especially since it was kind of late.  I made the mistake of taking her in the baby carrier--thinking that way I wouldn't have to haul around the stroller and carseat.  Well as soon as we got in there she wanted out of the carrier so I ended up holding her, plus trying to juggle the carrier, diaper bag, program and glass candle, plus our ornament. 

Not a great pic, but you can see where one of her feet is missing! 

I was also stressed because the ornament I picked out this year was a piece of crap!  I went to hallmark to look for a memorial ornament but they didn't have a great selection.  I finally picked an angel one that said 'amor divino' which was meant for spanish-speakers but has the same function in portuguese.  As I was taking it out of the box to write Kayla's name and birthday on it, one wing popped off the angel!  It's kind of funny now, but it kind of made me cry when it happened.  Can't I even pick out a nice ornament for my daughter?!  I was panicking but there was no time to go buy another ornament.  Then on the way in to the ceremony I put the ornament carefully in the diaper bag, and when I took it out, she had lost one of her feet!  This is not a glass ornament or anything, it's hard plastic (or something similar), but it was just so cheaply made.  By the end of the night I was able to smile a little because it's a quirky little angel even if it's not perfect!  In a way it kind of felt like we were making a memory with Kayla---in years to come we can look at that ornament and laugh about how it lost a wing and a foot.

During the ceremony each child's name was read and we lit our (battery-operated) candles.  By the end everyone was standing and just the candles glowed in the darkened room.  It was a powerful moment and I was so emotional to be standing there honoring my first girl while gratefully holding my second girl in my arms.  I wish there was another way for Livia to get to know her sister, but this was beautiful.  Then we all sang "Silent Night" together, or tried to sing since most of us were crying.

Sleep in heavenly peace...  

Lighting a candle for her big sister