We went to another Brazilian party last night...Livia did great, she didn't cry at all, napped when she needed to, and smiled for everyone and let strangers (to her) hold her. One lady asked me if was ok if she kissed Livia, because she knows Americans don't like it when people kiss their babies. I thought that was an interesting cultural observation, and pretty true--we complain when people want to tough or hold our babies. I still don't want random people at the grocery store to come up and touch her, or the restaurant hostess to say "hand her over" (that really did happen!) And while I am still a little nervous about germs as flu season approaches, it's ok. I want Livia to experience the best of both of her cultures, and Brazilians LOVE babies and kids and shower them with attention and affection. I was able to just relax and let people enjoy her.
We are getting ready to travel for Thanksgiving, the first tie we're traveling with a baby AND our spoiled chihuahua. My parents' house will but full with 3 babies, 6 adults and the dog. Plus all of the other relatives and friends that come over to see the 3 babies! I am so looking forward to it this year. I do still have moments of desperately wishing there was an older, 4th baby girl who could be in attendance. But I am also so excited to experience the holidays with Livia and make them special for our family.
Last year, on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, at about 9 p.m. I took a pregnancy test. I was only 8 days past ovulation (I was obsessively tracking my cycle) but I wanted to take one before we traveled on Wednesday morning. It was positive. I didn't know what to think, but then I googled that brand and found out that batch had been giving people false positives. So I knew it might not be true. So I curled up in my bed and watched a movie (It' called Tambien la Lluvia and was actually a really good social justice movie about water rights in Bolivia. It helped distract me a little). I remember that movie so vividly because everything was moving in slow motion, I was trying not to get my hopes up but also couldn't deny that positive test sitting in front of me. By 11 pm, I figured I had enough urine to pee on another stick....a different brand. It was positive too. The next morning we drove to my parents' house--I still didn't tell my husband or anyone, I just needed to absorb what was happening. Over the course of the weekend I did tell my husband ( but no one else!), and took at least another 5 pregnancy tests, secretly stashing the tests and and the wrappers in my suitcase. I didn't know what was going to happen, if I was going to actually have a baby at the other end of those tests I look back at pictures of last Thanksgiving and they make me smile. Livia was already there, being formed, and here she is today.
What a difference a year makes sometimes. I spent most of last year saying/thinking "this time last year...." in a sad or regretful way, as in "this time last year my baby was still alive." So now it is interesting that I can start thinking of "this time last year" in relation to Livia, and have it be a positive emotion. And, as time passes, those thoughts of "this time two years ago" with Kayla are becoming more and more sweet and less bitter and sad.
Love this part...strangers (to her) hold her. How cute! I am so glad you will be able to say "this time last year" next year and remember all that was good about this year. Also love the more and more sweet and less bitter and sad. Happy Thanksgiving, friend.
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