Livia's BIRTHDAY is in one week. I have been thinking a lot about this time last year. I had just been given an induction date and I was still so unsure, anxious, worried that I wouldn't get to bring my girl home with me. Because the only birth experience I'd ever had ended with me coming home to an empty house. I am so grateful and amazed that not only did I get to bring Livia home, she has thrived and grown and is a healthy, happy almost-toddler. It really is amazing to me. What most people take for granted, that their baby will live and grow up, doesn't always seem like a given for me.
One of the ladies in my mom's group just announced she is 10 weeks pregnant. Her daughter is the same age as Livia. As "OK" as I am with pregnancy now, , it still bothers me. 10 weeks pregnant is not the time to be announcing it to the world, buying double strollers, etc. Not for me at least, and I know I have to keep those feelings under control when I'm around people who haven't experienced loss. At least now my grief is easy to put on hold so I can still act happy and congratulate her and not be completely socially awkward.
On the other hand, I met another lady who lost her second child 4 months ago, pre-term labor. We had a nice conversation in the park about our babies who didn't get to stay, and I got to be the one to offer advice and tell her it does get a little easier, and encourage her to be strong during her next pregnancy.
I have been on a couple of job interviews, so far no job offers. If I go back to work, it only really makes sense finncially to go back to full-time, with benefits. That will give our family a little more stability and a little more income (my husband is self-employed so the benefits would really be nice). But I still don't want to leave Livia. I'm so happy to have been able to really experience her first year of life with her, with all the ups and downs and joys and frustrations of being a stay at home mom.
Her party is next week, at a park with lots of friends and family. Pink ladybugs is the theme. She is walking now, about 20% of the time, but still prefers crawling. This next year is going to be one big adventure, I have NO idea what to expect in the toddler stage. I spent so long preparing for and dreaming about, grieving over the infant and baby stage, that this next chapter is a big unknown.
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| My almost one year old! |
She is A-DORABLE!! What a cutie!
ReplyDeleteI feel it's important to write too.. but life is such a different place than it was a year ago - where reading blogs/commenting and writing was one of the only things I was wanting to do.
Cant wait for the Birthday Party Pix!