Travel anxieties and excitements

A week from today Livia and I will be on an airplane to Brazil!  We are going for 3 weeks so she can get to know her grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins that live there.  They are all very excited to meet her!  My husband is not going with us for a variety of reasons, mostly because someone has to work to pay off this expensive plane ticket!  Good thing Livia is flying for "free" (actually 10% of one ticket for the international flight). 

I LOVE (LOVE) traveling especially to Latin America, and I'm very excited to see my in-laws and be in Brazil.  It's summer there!  When you visit a place everyone goes out of there way to make you feel welcome and make sure you have a good time.  You get all the wonderful parts of a country/place but don't have to deal with any of the annoying 'real life' issues.  Even though I'm excited, it is also a little daunting to take such a long trip alone with an infant.  I like to worry about things from all possible angles so that I can then give off a laid back vibe when the thing is actually happen.  So right now I am in my anxious stage, but hopefully once we get on the plane I will be in zen travel mode. 

We have 20 hours of travel (OMG) to get there, plus a million "unknowns" once we are there.  

Small/unimportant worries:
What if my luggage gets lost?
What is Livia cries for the whole flight?
What if no one is there to pick me up when we get there?(this actually happened when I went to brazil in 2010)
How will I get by without XYZ baby product? 
How will I get by without my iphone?
Should I take the frame stroller or the stroller that comes with my carseat?
How can I fit everything into one large suitcase so I can manage when going through customs with the stroller, carseat, baby, carryon, and suitcase?  
etc...every travel detail and worry falls into this category pretty much--the flight will be rough, I will be exhausted and it's asking a LOT of Livia, but it is finite.  Let's just hope for no travel delays! 


Medium worries:
What is there is something wrong with our visas and we get held up by immigration? We have a travel authorization signed by my husband plus all of our passports and visas but I'm having anxiety over 'them' trying to separate me from Livia.
What if Livia's carseat doesn't fit in my brother-in-laws tiny car?  (carseats just became mandatory in Brazil and they are not enforced)
 Will my husband take care of our dog baby while I'm gone?
Will he remember to pay the bills?  Will he do the dishes?
Will my mother-in-law and I still get along great after living together for 3 weeks in a one-bedroom house?
How will I share Kayla with our family there who never saw me pregnant and never saw our deep grief?  
etc...


Big worries:
Being apart from my husband for 3 weeks :( 
What if our house burns down and I lose all of Kayla's things?
What if I die or get sick?
What if Livia gets sick or dies? (i'm especially worried about a car accident, Brazil has a really high rate of accidents)
What is my husband dies or gets sick and I'm not here to take care of him?

Since I have the perspective of stillbirth, these are the only worries that really matter I suppose, although the other stuff is wiggling around in my head as well.  Everything else can be dealt with, except death.  Ironically what makes me feel better about these anxieties is telling myself that if one of us is going to die there is nothing we can do about it anyways.  I did everything right and Kayla still died.  Knowing that it's not up to me can be freeing.  Of course I am expecting to go to Brazil, travel around and have a great time, and return home tan and exhausted 3 weeks later.  I'm not expecting any catastrophes, but know that anything is possible. 

Whew, it feels good to get all of those anxieties out, so I can move past them and just get down to organizing our luggage and trying to rest before the big trip.  Underneath the anxious energy, I am truly excited.  Once we get there our time there can be as low-key or as action-packed as I want it (or as Livia wants it---she is in charge!)  My brother-in-law is a manager at a nice hotel with a waterpark and lots of amenities so we will spend some days there.  We will be just outside of Sao Paulo so we'll have a few days in the big city visiting other relatives, and hopefully a weekend at the beach.  I'll get to see the progress on the house we are building and imagine what our lives will be like if we ever do really move there full-time.  Livia will get to be loved on by so many people, and Brazilians love babies!  She will be held and smelled and cuddled and sang to.  We will go shopping in the open air markets and eat tropical fruits.  We'll go to church with my mother-in-law and see her friends.  My best Brazilian friend is flying in for a weekend from another city.  I want to go on a walk each day just to take in the neighborhoods and soak up the sunshine!  It will be a nice 'break' from technology and my real life, although hopefully I will be able to access the internet at my brother-in-laws hotel occasionally.  Now that I wrote all of this out I am SO READY!  Off to make my packing list...